It literally felt like everyone in my family was going different directions and I couldn't keep up. We tried movie nights, we tried family outings...we did those things...but things just weren't working. Have you ever been in a place where you just didn't know what else to do? You were the glue to your family...and you weren't sticky anymore? I was there. I was at a complete loss in how to find the balance to be everywhere at once, be the glue to my family, and accomplish the goals I set out for myself. If I focused on one of those things...I could do it...but put them all together....DISASTER!!
I don't know about you, but when I hit rock bottom (or what I feel is rock bottom) I PRAY! Let's just say my other rock bottoms weren't as low as this. I prayed for change. I prayed that my family can become united again. I legitimately broke down (by myself) and blubbered to God and threw all my cards on the table. I didn't want to lose my family. I know deep down we are better together. But, I also didn't want to quit my business that I worked so hard to create. I was done. I just didn't want my family to continue the way we were going anymore. I needed something different. Something needed to change. However...I'm sure you know that you can't change anyone except yourself. I can't change my kids. I can't change my husband. (I've already tried! lol) I can only work on ME. So that's what I did.
Then COVID HITS! Schools are closed. Stay at home orders are set. I forget my prayer...and go into survival mode and teacher mode with the kids to get them set up and on track for virtual learning. Since I'm a teacher, it was kind of muscle memory....even though I haven't been in the classroom since my daughter was born (8YEARS AGO!!) I transitioned.
I never wanted to teach my own kids, because I didn't think they'd listen to me. I wanted them to learn from other people. And honestly...I doubted myself. All the misconceptions of homeschooling and doubts fluttered my brain, but I was forced to be in charge of virtual learning to finish off their school year. Luckily, the virtual learning we had was pretty laid back and flexible. Then, I got a taste of that flexibility. I was able to somewhat work around other things in the day...like my workouts and my husbands days off. Things started improving. By the end of the school year, I noticed our hearts had changed. My family was communicating, we were on the same page, and by golly we were working together on things. We started to look like an actual family unit again.
I didn't even know how observant my husband was, but he had noticed the changes as well, because he was completely on board when I brought up the homeschooling idea...like permanently (even though I told myself I can change my mind as an out if it was a complete disaster). He was so on board, that he created Life Skills class with Daddy. The kids still love it!
Though Covid wasn't the main reason why I started homeschooling; being forced into a situation gave me the confidence and gave me a glimpse of what my family could look like if I dove all in.
I've learned that every homeschooling mom has a different reason for starting. My Number One WHY is for My FAMILY UNIT. God took an unfortunate circumstance and used it for good in my family life. I am so thankful!
Even though I am a former teacher...homeschooling is no walk in the park. Let's say I'm learning (or unlearning) a lot...but that will be another blog.